Funny? I thought so!

[CaptainBazza]

That one might get me banned.

Yes Doug, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on, eh?

Perhaps you should stick to the more 'armless jokes.

[douglee]

Hi,
You mean like the Wild West Bandit.

Ran into the bank waving his Colt .45 shouting.

"Put yer hands up, yer bums."


I do like that one.

[oldrocker]

Hi All,
Are we all joked out?


How about?

Doctor to patient "Bad news I'm afraid we took the wrong leg off and had to do the other one as well"
"However there is good news"



"We managed to sell your slippers"




That one might get me banned.

A variation . .

Doctor to patient "Bad news I'm afraid we took the wrong leg off."
"However there is good news, the other one's getting better !"

[dkightley]

A large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the driver thought, and carried on at half power.

Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train ground to a halt.

The driver decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to travel by train and not by plane."




Think about it!

[dkightley]

What did the parrot say when he was using the Internet?

P.Cs of eight, P.Cs of eight.

[douglee]

Hi,
I'm not on me own then.


Always sit at the back of planes. They never reverse into mountains.

[CaptainBazza]

Regarding the standard of jokes here, there is NO standard.

Cheers Bazza

Why did the left boot swear at the right boot?
Because it was poking out its tongue.

One boot to the other, "My, you look down at heel today."

What did the worn Italian shoe sing?
Oh Sole Mio.

What did one dancing shoe say to the other at a party?
You're the lift and sole of the party, mate.


Those gems courtesy of Algernon.

Cheers Bazza

[douglee]

Hi,

Patient to therapist. "People keep ignoring me"




"NEXT"



If we lowered the Standards any more all the flag poles would be empty.

[tripman]

Into Doctors then.
"Doctor Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains"

"Now calm down, don't flap about. Pull yourself together man

[douglee]

Hi,

Into Doctors then.
"Doctor Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains"

"Now calm down, don't flap about. Pull yourself together man

Now this is getting silly.


Doctor, I think I'm a bell.




Take these and give me a ring.


Keep going don't stop now.

[ashgray]

Jockey to racehorse: "why the long face?"

And for the Brummie's (which I once was...) what's the difference between a buffalo and a bison? - "yiow caw wash yower 'ands in a buffalo"

Ash

[douglee]

Hi,

Patient to Therapist. 'I think I'm a pane of glass'





I can see through that one. Back to work.

[Tonysmedley]

A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.

She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second day she decided that no one could see her way up there, so she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, Miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight

[CaptainBazza]

"yiow caw wash yower 'ands in a buffalo"

Oops, I think I broke Google Translate on that one!

Cheers Bazza

Oh, the penny just dropped.....heh heh heh heh!!!

[douglee]

Hi,

What did the German clock maker say to the broken clock.





Ve haf vays of making you Tock.


Mods. Feel free to remove if this breaks rules.