Tube Driver Quotes

[Pyromaniac]

Earls Court
The train at platform three is not going to Parsons Green but to Richmond. The train approaching platform two is also not going to Parsons Green but to Ealing Broadway. These trains are not going to Parsons Green despite what the signal men think.

Northern Line
Beggars are operating on this train, please do not encourage these professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity, failing that, give it to me.

Piccadilly Line
To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?

Leyton - where a train was stationary despite a green light
Sorry for the delay ladies and gentlemen but there is a queue of trains ahead of us so I have decided to wait here, because I'm sure you don't want to sit in a tunnel getting hot and sweaty.

Central Line
Next time, you might find it easier to wait until the doors are open before trying to get on the train.

King's Cross
This train is completely broken, it isn't going anywhere.

Victoria Line
This is Brixton, err, no, it's Victoria!

This is like that TV advert, I hope the person next to you is wearing a good deodorant!

Have a very relaxing weekend. Hope to see you all again Monday morning!

Camden Town - on a Saturday afternoon
Please let the passengers off the train first...
Please let the passengers off the train first...
Please let the passengers off the train first...
Let the passengers off the train FIRST!...
Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm going home

Moorgate - after a 20-minute delay
I apologise for the delay but the computer controlling the signalling at Aldgate and Whitechapel has the Monday Morning Blues.

West Hampstead
We can't move off because some <insert offensive word here> has their <insert offensive word here too> hand stuck in the door.

Mill Hill East
Hello this is xxx speaking, I am the captain of your train, and we will be departing shortly, we will be cruising at an altitude of approximately zero feet, and our scheduled arrival time in Morden is 3:15pm. The temperature in Morden is approximately 15 degrees celsius, and Morden is in the same time zone as Mill Hill east, so there's no need to adjust your watches.

Epping - on a delayed train where the driver had a chat to a colleague unaware the tannoy was on
<insert offensive word relating to an area of the male anatomy here> to the lot of them, I don't care if they don't make it to work.

[Pyromaniac]

And this....



Cheers

PT

[MoonKid47]

Excellent finds to spark my evening.

[desiro5]

wonderfull.

[JunGRail]

Nice when they inject a little humour into the service announcements. Makes people realise the system is run by Humans and not just Machines.

I've heard a piccadilly line driver say "This is Green Park, alight here for (sounding bored) the jubilee line if you want"