) forum, chat about almost anything you like! Including sport, trivia, games etc.Good afternoon everyone
Damian works on a container terminal and his boss has a habit of being very short tempered
Last weekend he arrived to find a 4X4 blocking access to some containers
He did no more than start up a fork lift truck and he lifted the 4X4 and placed it on top of the 40FT container
He said to Damian that will teach the so and so not to block access to our containers on this site
Kind regards Stephen
Funny? I thought so!
Moderator: Moderators
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stephenholmes
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 4975
- Joined: Sat May 22, 2004 7:59 pm
- Location: Withington Manchester
Re: Funny? I thought so!
- Attachments
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Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way.
Christopher Hitchens (13th April 1949 - 15th December 2011)
Christopher Hitchens (13th April 1949 - 15th December 2011)
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partyspiritz
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 3527
- Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 12:06 am
- Location: RAF Brize Norton
- Contact:
Re: Funny? I thought so!
Just magic
A new form of clamping
Regards
John
A new form of clamping
Regards
John
The Bacup Branch gone to bed
The Fairford Branch http://www.martin.loader.btinternet.co. ... Branch.htm Not started
The Fairford Branch http://www.martin.loader.btinternet.co. ... Branch.htm Not started
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douglee
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 5230
- Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2004 11:09 am
- Location: Isle of Man
Re: Funny? I thought so!
Hi All,
I notice the use of the latest Hoyer Hover Container can be moved around yards very easily!!!!
Toe-Tectors must be worn! Don't use New ones!!!
You've got your shoes on the wrong feet.....
How can that be? These are the only feet I've got.
Good luck
Doug
I notice the use of the latest Hoyer Hover Container can be moved around yards very easily!!!!
Toe-Tectors must be worn! Don't use New ones!!!
You've got your shoes on the wrong feet.....
How can that be? These are the only feet I've got.
Good luck
Doug
"If it is not broke do not try to fix it"
Rest in Peace Doug L, you will be missed by many, many members of the Forum.
Least We Forget.
Doug L
Rest in Peace Doug L, you will be missed by many, many members of the Forum.
Least We Forget.
Doug L
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bharrison
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 1821
- Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2007 12:28 pm
- Location: LNER North of York Or On A Steam Railway Somewhere In The UK..........
Re: Funny? I thought so!
Doug,
A bad joke just for you.
What the Mother broom say to the Baby broom?
Time for you to go to sweep.
A bad joke just for you.
What the Mother broom say to the Baby broom?
Time for you to go to sweep.
Thank You
Ben A4PSmember Msts the Sim in a box (Always makes you angry Arrh )
Vista msts's rival it really makes you mad
When making changes check twice, Install once.
Always willing to help doesn't matter how little, Better to have Helped than not at all
Ben A4PSmember Msts the Sim in a box (Always makes you angry Arrh )
Vista msts's rival it really makes you mad
When making changes check twice, Install once.
Always willing to help doesn't matter how little, Better to have Helped than not at all
-
douglee
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 5230
- Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2004 11:09 am
- Location: Isle of Man
Re: Funny? I thought so!
Hi Ben,
Why just me ? What did I do?
You want bad:-
Tourist to Scottsman. Is anything worn under the Kilt?
Och, no it's all in perfect working order. Ye Ken!
Good luck
Doug
Why just me ? What did I do?
You want bad:-
Tourist to Scottsman. Is anything worn under the Kilt?
Och, no it's all in perfect working order. Ye Ken!
Good luck
Doug
"If it is not broke do not try to fix it"
Rest in Peace Doug L, you will be missed by many, many members of the Forum.
Least We Forget.
Doug L
Rest in Peace Doug L, you will be missed by many, many members of the Forum.
Least We Forget.
Doug L
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Acorncomputer
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 10699
- Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 5:37 pm
- Location: Horley, Surrey, (in a cupboard under the stairs)
Re: Funny? I thought so!
Parachute for sale.
Never been opened.
Used once.
Never been opened.
Used once.
Geoff Potter
Now working on my Bluebell Railway route for TS2022
RISC OS - Now Open Source
Now working on my Bluebell Railway route for TS2022
RISC OS - Now Open Source
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CaptainBazza
- Has a sign reading.. Its NOT the end of the world!
- Posts: 18852
- Joined: Tue May 13, 2003 10:21 am
- Location: Land of the Long White Cloud.
Re: Funny? I thought so!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
If I make sense 50% of the time, that's good; but if I make sense 100% of the time....you should seek professional help.
Or, Prove to me that you're a **certified**lunatic** and can prove it......otherwise, judge me not.
Or, Prove to me that you're a **certified**lunatic** and can prove it......otherwise, judge me not.
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SHEEP
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 1378
- Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2004 8:03 pm
- Location: Norfolk, between the wet bit and the sea
Re: Funny? I thought so!
Do you think they noticed that they where only bidding on a photograph and not the real Olympic torch
I've been to Eastbourne too, So what!
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paulz6
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 2255
- Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 4:22 pm
- Location: Disused Railway Lineside Shack
Re: Funny? I thought so!
Now that sounds like a bargain. Anyone want to invest in a financial bailout.....Acorncomputer wrote:Parachute for sale.
Never been opened.
Used once.
Hitting the ground running is not for everyone.
The value of your investments may go up as well as down.
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bharrison
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 1821
- Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2007 12:28 pm
- Location: LNER North of York Or On A Steam Railway Somewhere In The UK..........
Re: Funny? I thought so!
how about these two bad jokes
Q. Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there are two me
A. One at a Time Please
and
Q. What has 22 legs,11 heads and 2 wings?
A. A Football Team
Q. Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there are two me
A. One at a Time Please
and
Q. What has 22 legs,11 heads and 2 wings?
A. A Football Team
Thank You
Ben A4PSmember Msts the Sim in a box (Always makes you angry Arrh )
Vista msts's rival it really makes you mad
When making changes check twice, Install once.
Always willing to help doesn't matter how little, Better to have Helped than not at all
Ben A4PSmember Msts the Sim in a box (Always makes you angry Arrh )
Vista msts's rival it really makes you mad
When making changes check twice, Install once.
Always willing to help doesn't matter how little, Better to have Helped than not at all
-
douglee
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 5230
- Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2004 11:09 am
- Location: Isle of Man
Re: Funny? I thought so!
Hi All,
Staying in cheap digs the owner asked "Do you have a good memory for faces?"
"Yes" I said. "I think so!"
"Good, you'll need one. There's no mirror in the Bathroom."
Good luck
Doug
Staying in cheap digs the owner asked "Do you have a good memory for faces?"
"Yes" I said. "I think so!"
"Good, you'll need one. There's no mirror in the Bathroom."
Good luck
Doug
"If it is not broke do not try to fix it"
Rest in Peace Doug L, you will be missed by many, many members of the Forum.
Least We Forget.
Doug L
Rest in Peace Doug L, you will be missed by many, many members of the Forum.
Least We Forget.
Doug L
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oldrocker
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 2108
- Joined: Sat Feb 22, 2003 10:59 am
- Location: In Wolverhampton. Near my beloved Black Country.
Re: Funny? I thought so!
What's a myth ?
.
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.
.
A female moth.
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A female moth.
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SHEEP
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 1378
- Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2004 8:03 pm
- Location: Norfolk, between the wet bit and the sea
Re: Funny? I thought so!
I've been to Eastbourne too, So what!
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oldrocker
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 2108
- Joined: Sat Feb 22, 2003 10:59 am
- Location: In Wolverhampton. Near my beloved Black Country.
Re: Funny? I thought so!
With the FIA constantly looking for ways to slow down modern Formula 1 cars, why haven't they tried wrapping hair and fluff around the rear wheel axles? It certainly works on my Scalextric.
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superdrive1
- Very Active Forum Member
- Posts: 1703
- Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2007 1:20 pm
- Location: Stansted Mountfitchet, Essex, UK
Re: Funny? I thought so!
My contribution for an awful joke, brace yourselves people...
I just some some guys go up and attack that bloke from Match of the Day with bags of crisps!
It was a case of assault on Lineker.
Well, I did warn you!
Adam
I just some some guys go up and attack that bloke from Match of the Day with bags of crisps!
It was a case of assault on Lineker.
Well, I did warn you!
Adam
AJ - Casual lurker. Human with Aspergers. Forever 18, in my dreams...