Funny? I thought so!

[ianmacmillan]

My favourite sign....

[oldrocker]

[douglee]

Hi Ben,

How much did the pirate pay to get his ear pierced?

A buck an ear

and

Doctor, doctor I feel like a pair of curtains

pull yourself together man

You can not beat the old'uns.

Well actually you can................ but you will get arrested for it.

"Doctor, Those tablets are great. I feel like a 20 year old"


Hang on I'll see if you can get one on prescription...............

(Believe it or not that was cleaned up.)

Good luck
Doug

[oldrocker]

My wife went over to the changing room to try on a dress, but she came back and said “It’s too small, I couldn’t get into it”

I said, “Never mind, the dress probably wouldn’t have fitted you either”

[douglee]

Hi Dave,
I hope the bruises heal soon.

Good luck
Doug

[ianmacmillan]

[bharrison]

Ian,

That's a good joke that one

[oldrocker]

Q. What Goes Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Bang Bang Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

A. A Drive By Shooting In Tipton.

[douglee]

Hi Dave,

OK

What goes Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Twang Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop????

Good luck
Doug

[btvboxer]

btvboxer

[douglee]

Hi All,

Hi Dave,

OK

What goes Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop Twang Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop????

Good luck
Doug

No takers then?

Doug

[Acorncomputer]

Duane Neddy

[douglee]

Hi Geoff,
Brilliant, but only to those of a 'certain' age.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLeNby4O ... re=related

BUT OF COURSE IT SHOULD BE>>>>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3Wwyoy3 ... re=related

Just like music should be.

I was thinking more of.....

A drive by shooting in Nottingham/Sherwood Forest.

Thieving hat and his drunk men!


But I like yours better.

Good luck
Doug

[chrisiveson]

God Loves Drunk People Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain,
is asking for a push.


"Not a chance," says the husband,
"it is 3:00 in the morning!"


He slams the door and returns to bed.


"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.

"NO, I did NOT, it's 3am in the morning
and it's bloody pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down,
and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
"God loves drunk people too you know."


The man does as he is told,
gets dressed,
and goes out into the pounding rain.


He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"


"Yes," comes back the answer.


"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.


"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

[oldrocker]

Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.

Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'

Operator: 'What is your location sir?'

Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street.'

Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'

Silence.... and after a minute.

Operator: 'Are you there sir?'

More silence and another minute later.

Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'

This goes on for another few minutes until....

Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'

Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn’t spell eucalyptus, so I just dragged him round to number 3 Oak Street.'