Atomic Systems

I think we may have to reintroduce 'transportation for the term of his/her natural life'. To Oz, of course.

Two flies on the ceiling, one is taking a dump in its accustomed manner and turns to the other and says, "Let's see a human try that!"

A worm is traversing a footpath when along comes a blackbird and it says resignedly, "Every journey starts with a slither."

A fox sticks it head into a hen coop and says, "Ladies, you may live if you answer me this riddle, which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

Trains are always coming or going, what they do in between is a mystery.

Indignant boy to friend at school, "Dad told me about the birds and the bees last night. But I still know nothing about the birds and the bees!"

So, finally, Mr Macawber is vindicated.

Hi Bazza,

CaptainBazza wrote:I think we may have to reintroduce 'transportation for the term of his/her natural life'. To Oz, of course.

Damn, Rumbled!



The vicarage cleaner argued with her employer and threw cleaning fluid over him.






She was charged with Bleach of the Priest.

Two flies in a pantry.

Suddenly, one gets up, dashes along the packet they were sitting on, disappears, and reappears from the other side...ans sits down again.

"Why on earth did you do that" the other fly asks.

"Just following the instructions. 'Tear around the dotted line.' ."

Hear about the cowboy who could think of jokes on the spur of the moment?


Hear about the crook turned comedian. Everyone a gemmy!

Hi,


Native American lying with ear to ground, says. "Stagecoach 6 horses pass this way"

Tourist says. "You can tell that by listening to the ground?"







"No, it just run over my head!"

Hi,
The world Hokey Kokey Champion died.


It took them 3 weeks to get him in the coffin!







You put your right leg in . You put your right leg out.....................

The vicarage cleaner argued with her employer and threw cleaning fluid over him.

She was charged with Bleach of the Priest.

Doug, I have a nice berth picked out for you, in the chain locker.

OY!

Sheep jokes. Why do people like to shear them?

Dog jokes. Do you have to barking mad to enjoy them?

Elephant jokes. Found a pile in some old trunk.

Spiders. Do they shudder when they see a person hanging about on the WWW?

Farts. Is a 'woopee cushion' a substitute for the real stink?

Amoebas. How do they know who's Arthur and who's Martha?

Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

Hi,

CaptainBazza wrote:

The vicarage cleaner argued with her employer and threw cleaning fluid over him.

She was charged with Bleach of the Priest.

Doug, I have a nice berth picked out for you, in the chain locker.

OY!

Oh! your not are you?


Still funny though.

You can do the ones about truckers.


Farmer milking cow. Tourist asks the time.
Farmer lifts the weight of the udder. Half past nine he says.
You can tell the time by weighing the cows udder? says the tourist.





No I do that and I can see the church clock.





And one at a time please.

How ridiculous is:

Breaking wind...............well, how can you break the nebulous, duh!?

Catching your breath.............how fast do you have to run before you catch up with it?

"At this point in time."..............and which particular point might that be?

"Just a minute."............pardon, it is just a minute and not one second more!

"Any second now."..............sure, we have a choice, do we?

"It was a pregnant pause."............errr, 9 months is a long pause?

Spinning top..............okay, so just the top bit spins?



PS

You can do the ones about truckers.

If you insist.

Every trucker has a mother.

Hear about the cowboy who could think of jokes on the spur of the moment?

Do you hear the one about the cowboy? He was mounting his horse, slipped, fell off and broke his back. (Think about it!)

Hi,

CaptainBazza wrote:
PS

You can do the ones about truckers.

If you insist.

Every trucker has a mother.

So it's just an ugly rumour then?


Smoking Jackets and Blazers......... Never do!

Neither do Running Buffets!

Don't get me started on cat jokes..........I don't know any.

I've a very long cat..........it's fur from one end to the other.

I've got very short dog.......even its barks are terse.

My dog has fleas.........and I'm hopping mad about it.

I wish Charles Darwin was alive today.....maybe he could explain why my pens developed legs.

I don't know any animal jokes............really, I've never met an animal comedian yet.

"Children should be seen and not heard."..........Ok, I admit it was me caused the rot to set in.

I was insulted recently, someone called me 'ambidextrous'..........I couldn't make up my mind which hand to slap him with.

Hi,
The old ladies two cats passed away. She wanted them stuffed.
"Do you want them mounted?"said the taxidermist.




No said the lady, side by side will do.



I'd give my right arm to be ambidexterous. ARRGH!

Neither do Running Buffets!

Well, there's always a first time........I've had a buffet and run afterwards.