ANSWER A QUESTION; ASK A QUESTION; THE PRESEQUEL

[CaptainBazza]

Don't worry about time, there's nothing you can do; afterall, you start life wearing diapers and end it wearing diapers.


Why are bills attracted to paydays?

[rufuskins]

Why are bills attracted to paydays?

Yes but Bill's what?

and of course does anyone know when Bill Stickers will be prosecuted?

Alec

[johnmnstl]

More than likely never - by the time they finish with all the assesments probation reports and psych checks he'd be too old to care

Has anyone else notice that the droning sound at the end of the original Doctor Who theme sounds like a Deltic at full bore going through a tunnel when heard from an air conditioned carriage ???

[CaptainBazza]

Perhaps you've answered your own question.


If you wife asks, "Darling, does this dress make me look thinner?"; is it wiser to (1) answer the question, or, (2) fake a timely heart attack?

[Acorncomputer]

If you wife asks, "Darling, does this dress make me look thinner?"; is it wiser to (1) answer the question, or, (2) fake a timely heart attack?

(3) Ask how much it is first and then react accordingly with (1) or (2) bearing in mind that (2) may not be fake

An intrepid traveller wanted to go the most direct way to the other side of the World and decided that this would be from London, through the centre of the Earth and then finish up at the Antipodes Islands. He hired an earth boring machine that can travel through the ground at 1 mile a day and set off. To the nearest month, how long will it take him to get to the Antipodes Islands.

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[pjt1974]

I take it we are talking hypothetical here?

[ChrisBarnes]

An intrepid traveller wanted to go the most direct way to the other side of the World and decided that this would be from London, through the centre of the Earth and then finish up at the Antipodes Islands. He hired an earth boring machine that can travel through the ground at 1 mile a day and set off. To the nearest month, how long will it take him to get to the Antipodes Islands.

He would be about 21 years older at that rate by the time he reaches the Antipodes, but sadly he'll burn and die when he's about 10 years into his journey and meets the full fury of the Earth's core.

An interesting idea, nonetheless. Tell me, if you stand upright in the UK and upside down in the Antipodes Islands, or upright in the Antipodes Islands and upside down in the UK, how on Earth do we define what's up and what's down?

Chris

[CaptainBazza]

how on Earth do we define what's up and what's down?

The answer depends on how much alcohol you've consumed, too little - stays down, too much - comes up.

As a book-o-holic from an early age, I have read many books, on many subjects, yet the only date I remember is 1066 - why is that do you suppose?

[ChrisBarnes]

Either you fondly remember reading about William the Conqueror's victory at the Battle of Hastings or, more likely, you can't help but remember the TV advert, "0-800 double 0, ten-sixty-six!". I reckon it's the latter.

Answer a question; Ask a question; the Presequel????

Chris

[CaptainBazza]

"Presequel" or perhaps "Pre-sequel", is a term used to describe something you invented before something you invented.

An oft used local phrase is, "Hang on, I'll be just a wee minute." Is that an oxymoron?

[pjt1974]

Depends how desperate you are for the bathroom.

Why did the Roman's stop at Hadrian's Wall?

[CaptainBazza]

Oh the answer is simple, they forgot to put in a gateway.


If you were writing a CV for a job application, under Hobbies, would you put 'train simulators'?

[ChrisBarnes]

I might do, just to see what the expression on the interviewer's face would be, at the risk of being laughed at hysterically.

Will I ever be able to think of a really good question, without asking a dumb one like this?

Chris

[CaptainBazza]

Dear Chris, you must first mumble before you talk.


I'd like to try high wire walking, but I have a fear of heights, how can I cure this phobia?

[pjt1974]

Wear a blindfold.

Is there a standard length to the saying 'as long as your arm'?